Lola was a simple girl who loved biscuits. The only thing she likes besides biscuits is waffles. Lola is so addicted to biscuits so her mum has to buy 4 bags every 2 days! One day Lola went outside to play with her friend, they went in Lola’s house and as you would have probably guessed that she asked her mum if she could share some biscuits with her friend and her mum said yes. So they took all the biscuits. The day after that Lola went to get some biscuits but when she lifted the lid there was none left…
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Amberley Y6 
Great work charlie!! 4 bags every 2 days that’s 2 bags a day that’s a lot!! she is very addicted to them!
From James (in your class)
Hello Charlie,
I have read a number of 100WC entries and found all sorts of strange things in the boxes, much of them dark or threatening. Your story was much more gentle as it shared Lola’s time with her friend. When Lola returned for more biscuits the next day, she hadn’t realised she and her friend had already taken the last biscuits. Perhaps Lola had been expecting the box to refill by magic. Well done.
I can see you have taken care with spelling and punctuation. My suggestion might be to take care with tense when writing. Your story swaps from the past tense…
Lola was…
To present tense
The only thing she likes besides biscuits is waffles.
It can be very easy to swap tenses when we’re keen to share our ideas. I have also made this mistake and had to correct my writing.
I hope you keep entering the 100WC. You need to explore the worlds and adventures your imagination creates then share them with others. 🙂
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia