Strolling on the cobble bricks of the ancient bridge the water glistened reflecting the sunlight. The heat from the sun was scorching, I looked over the edge at the calm, gleaming water. I needed water, I needed something, just something to drink. I came back over from the edge of the bridge, I just realised I was the only one on the bridge! I slipped I was hanging on for dear life daring to look at the sharks and crocodiles to fall to my death. Someone help,just someone help me I am not falling.
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Amberley Y6 
Hello William,
Good fiction writers know the importance of capturing the attention of readers from the first sentence. Your first sentence invited me to read on as your descriptive words helped me imagine the scene. You seem to understand the power words can have over the imaginations of readers. Well done.
As I read on, I found you developed a peaceful scene of a lone person on a bridge who, through a slip, finds himself hanging above possibly deadly danger. My only suggestion for your well written story might come from the last few sentences where you might reconsider sentence structure. Here is a possible example…
I came back over from the edge of the bridge. I just realised I was the only one on the bridge.
With your good use of descriptive language and creative ideas, I hope you can continue entering the 100WC. You should explore and share the adventures from your imagination.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia