The happy and gleaming sun was beaming in the electrifying sky. The river was rolling past the historic pier like a barrel rolling through a grass bank. The France country at the historic pier was having a celebration when family’s and friends cume and have a celebration. When and there were vans there because if there is a killer or a robber stealing famous watches and shiny rings and they were the CIA with snipers watching in case there was trouble and there was a terrorist was a robber and a killer. And everybody ran for there lives like a crowd sprinting for there lives.
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Amberley Y6 
What a fantastic start to your entry with great powerful verbs and an amazing description of the river ‘rolling past’ Joshua! You could try to use some different connectives and punctuation in the rest. It sounds like an exciting setting for a story! Well done!
Hello Joshua
The first two sentences of this piece are superb – excellent scene setting and vocabulary.
After that the writing feels as though it has been rushed. If you go over it carefully and look for spelling mistakes and where you can improve the punctuation, you will have a piece of work you can be really proud of.
Keep up the good writing.
Great job Joshua, I loved how you used some amazing descriptive words to set the scene. There were a couple of spelling mistakes in there but overall a great story. Gemma 100wc